A woman named Bronnie Ware worked for many years in a hospice setting where all of her patients were destined to soon pass. She would talk with them about their lives, and in particular what, if anything, they regretted about them. Over the years there was one answer which came up again and again and again:
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”
In order to live this way, one must know what it actually means to live a life true to yourself. This requires self-awareness.
Self-awareness can come in many forms; one concrete activity that helped me came upon the advice of a family friend, who recommended I take the Enneagram Personality Type test. I think most people have negative associations with the word “test”, especially ones you have to pay for, so it took the advice of a friend to work through the cognitive cost to do this. And I was glad I did.
The test was revealing, and I was pleasantly surprised at how articulate the results were. There are 9 types (the website shows them all), and my top three scores were
Type 2, The Helper: 25
Type 4, The Individualist: 20
Type 3, The Achiever: 19
All of these fall in the “feeling center”. Reading through the descriptions of 2, 4 & 3, I found many of the insights (both describing positive and negative tendencies) to be quite on point. I’ve included the most revealing points; perhaps you share some of these as well:
The Helper
-Derive great satisfaction from giving advice to trusted friends and often initiate new relationships by offering some kind of service or counsel
-Want to have a unique place in others’ lives and to know privileged information about others that no one else knows
-May feel that others are not appreciating them for their efforts
-Gifted at accurately intuiting others’ feelings and needs, but that does not necessarily mean that they want those needs remedied by you in the way you have in mind*
*This point was perhaps the most revealing. The classic adage ”do unto others as you would have them do unto you” needs to be more refined. Some people want to figure things out on their own, which should be embraced.
The Individualist
-Of all the types, they are the most aware of their own emotional states; attunement to their inner states enables them to discover deep truths about human nature
-Able to put words to feelings and states that others may recognize but could not have expressed as eloquently
-Seek out art, poetry, music, and other expressions that they find beautiful, because they feel these things reveal something true about themselves and about human nature
-Do not want to spend time with people they perceive as lacking taste or emotional depth
-Typically decorate their homes with objects and colors that evoke a strong sense of image and mood and reflect personal feelings and associations
The Achiever
-Want to excel, to be the best at whatever they do, and they are willing to put in the effort it takes to do so
-They are always looking for formulas and technique to improve
-Quickly adapt to different social settings, always wanting to be appropriate and to exemplify the values of whatever group they are in
-Fear that they have to be the best at everything
See any of your self there?
I’d imagine those that know me well can attest to some of the statements above. And if you don’t know me, well, the above is a damn good start!
This exercise helped articulate subtle realms of my personality while also bringing to the surface areas I think I should be more aware of. Recommended to all who have 40 minutes, $10 (there’s a free sample test as well), and a curiosity to learn more. The test is found here.
If you do take it, please share your results.
[p.s. It should be noted that there is a depth of reading material about the Enneagram as it is far more than a simple test. That depth is beyond the scope of this post; however, Google would be happy to satisfy should you crave more]
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I found this way more accurate than the “parachute” color test, where my colors always blend too much to seem trustworthy. Good suggestion. My results are:
Type Six: The Loyalist
The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious
Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Excellent “troubleshooters,” they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious-running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion. At their Best: internally stable and self-reliant, courageously championing themselves and others.
Type Seven: The Enthusiast
The Busy, Variety-Seeking Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Distractible, and Scattered
Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.
Type Eight: The Challenger
The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational
Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self-mastering, they use their strength to improve others’ lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.
Thanks for sharing Kelly, glad this was useful. There seems to be a balance between simplicity and complexity in the determination of a personality test (too much of the former and it is meaningless, too much of the latter and it is difficult to decipher). I think the Enneagram strikes a good balance, while also providing a depth of materials should you be curious to know more.
Type 4, Individualist: 27
Type 2, Helper: 25
Type 9, Peacemaker: 20
Since you already have types 4 and 2 summarized, here’s a look at type 9.
Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.
This description is quite accurate and it explains much of my behavior in group settings. Thanks for the link!